Ask Delissa! Sorting the agonies of love, dating and relationships
Love (Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash)
Love (Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash)

Ask Delissa! Sorting the agonies of love, dating and relationships

Our agony aunt DELISSA NEEDHAM answers your questions. This week: The gold digger.

The Gold Digger

Dear Delissa

My wife, Jennifer died 6 years ago after a long illness – it was her second marriage and my first.

We couldn’t have been happier.  She was a bubbly laughing blonde. A beautiful woman inside and out.  Always welcoming to people, always kind, a real party girl who loved life.   She was also a successful business woman and together with my investments and income as a surgeon we built up a property portfolio and were able to enjoy a life of sailing, golf, tennis etc.

As you can imagine I was just devasted when I lost her.  This was 6 years ago and over the last few years I have dated a few women but no one who I felt I could love like I did Jennifer.   Then I met Suzie online.  She reminds me very much of Jennifer – the same bubbliness, very sexy, charming and good company.

I was so happy and so in love.

I really thought I could never feel like this again.

My daughter had her concerns and didn’t take to her but I brushed that aside.  After a couple of months she suggested she move in – she has a small flat in Hammersmith and as she was staying with me most of the time so it did seem to make sense.

Suzie liked to cook for me and generally looked after me. We planned to be married in April and talked of buying a home in the country together – but then the lockdown happened.

We had to postpone which I now realise has been a huge saving grace. Thank you lockdown.

In the spirit of togetherness and, as she was doing a lot of the household provisioning,  I opened a joint bank account with her.  Stupid I know but at the time it seemed to make sense. I suppose in some way I thought she was like Jennifer.

During lockdown we argued a lot – particularly when I discovered she was looking at my emails, text messages and private papers.

I was actually releived when a couple of weeks ago she decided to go back to her own flat.

To cut a long story short Delissa – in the three months of lockdown she has helped herself to £75,000 of my money and taken jewellery that belonged to Jennifer.

I thought she had gone to her flat in Hammersmith but it would seem that she doesn’t own that flat.

It was leased.

I feel devasted.  Not only have I lost someone I thought I loved but I have been lied to by someone I trusted so completely.

I don’t think I can ever bring myself to date another woman again.  If I can’t trust my own judgement then what can I do?


Harry, Chelsea

Delissa Needham

Dear Harry

Oh dear.

Firstly, please don’t blame yourself.

We are all susceptible to scams of one sort or another and love really does make us particularly blind.

The older you get the better you have to be at spotting the impecunious coming towards you on the horizon – usually in a pair of high heels, flashing a Neon smile.

It’s an age old story and I do know of at least two other men that this has happened to.

In both cases the men were warned by close female friends – but their warnings went unheeded with disastrous consequences.

I’m sorry that life has hit you a double blow – first at the loss of your wife and secondly by loss of something you believed in – a new relationship that was making you happy.

Your ability to trust again will take time to rebuild – but please don’t let it stop you finding the love you deserve.

There are plenty of women out there Harry who are kind and true looking to meet someone just like you.

I recommend you start looking – but this time in places that you recognise and feel comfortable.  Through your friends or by attending events where you are likely to meet someone intelligent and with common interests.

Do get in touch with my office we’ll help you.  I know that next time you fall in love you are less likely to hand over any financial access and I think that’s a good thing, but don’t let it stop you finding companionship again.

On the upside – remember, it’s better to have loved and lost that never to have loved at all.

Your experience has taught you something valuable – live by it don’t die by it so pick yourself up and head out again.

You deserve to be loved.

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