By Ella STERN, Central Saint Martins, University of the Arts London.

Ella Stern

Ella Stern

I am the inevitable owner of a Jewish schnoz.

I possess a bump. The sort of bump you’d slow down for.

I use the word ‘inevitable’ as I am the offspring of two older and wiser Jewish noses. (A gene my brother somehow successfully dodged. VERY successfully may I add (he has one hell of superb snuffer) because life isn’t always fair. ANYWAY…

I happily parade the noz’ through life and it’s not really something I spend too much of my time pondering over.

Yet in a recent lecture, an art piece called ‘49 Jewish Noses’ by Dennis Kardon was briefly discussed.

In all honesty I wasn’t really listening to why it was being discussed, as with most 9 o’clock’s I was too deep in thought as to why the education system thought lectures at such obscene hours were beneficial, and trying to remember if the canteen did banana cake on a Tuesday.

Yet as they showed a photo of the, quite frankly, hideous art piece on the projector I couldn’t help but feel the entire lecture hall was staring at my schnoz.

I won’t get into a deep artistic analysis of the art piece itself, but what I will say is that it was merely displaying something that didn’t need to be displayed.

Nor was done in any sort of challenging, humorous or enticing way as art should be. It was nothing more than…49 (horrific) casts of Jewish noses stuck on a wall.

So as a fan of the piece, it got me thinking. About feet.

Lol jk… obviously noses.

As the alumni of a private Jewish school, I am no stranger to the odd nose job. In fact it was practically a rite of passage, an honour bestowed upon you in lower sixth. They should have just offered them at school, in between break and third period.

Although the chizzling down of unwanted bone has never appealed to me I do understand that if it’s going to up your confidence and “hotness” by a fair amount, then chizzle your heart out.

It is amusing how accepted and expected the schnoz (and nose jobs) have become amongst the Jewish community. So mentionable that when I was once in a night club, a fellow tribe member, out of the blue, looked at me from the side and said ‘I can tell you’re Jewish.’ Yes admittedly this was probably too forward as I had no idea who this boy was. But it does demonstrate the nonchalant approach to the Jewish schnozza.

Streisand

“She managed to turn her nose into a bloody art form! You go girl. Work those nostrils.”

I can’t dedicate an entire article to such a minor part of the body without mentioning the one and only, all time schnozza role model – Barbra Streisand.

God bless ya for parading that snuffer around Hollywood and repping the nation.

Researching Barbra Streisand’s nose is quite simply fascinating. As a product of the 90’s I clearly missed the Barbra boat.  And as I scroll through stunning side profiles of the Streisand I am beginning to realise my youth is a serious misfortune.

As I type these words I am developing a serious Streisand crush. Not only is the woman a singer and an actress, but she managed to turn her nose, the one thing on her body that is seen in today’s society as a default,  into a bloody art form.  You go girl. Work those nostrils.

*Goes on Amazon to order Barbra Streisand poster*

Well thanks to Babs, a plastic surgeon has just 100% lost out on my money.[divider]

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